That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
