After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
