I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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