grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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