hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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