I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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