i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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