I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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