: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
