I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
There's even glitter on my cock...
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