My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
