How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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