I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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