My first STD was from a foam party
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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