I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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