I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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