He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
