I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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