Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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