he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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