I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize