She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
