I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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