How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
