im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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