Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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