So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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