Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
