i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
