she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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