It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
