No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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