your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
...so i touched it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
