So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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