I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
