Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
