Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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