Whod you bang
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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