That's when you crack a 10am beer
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
