Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
