belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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