Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
