So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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