I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
