Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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