Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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