I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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