My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
