Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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