I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You're like the curious george of whores
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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