epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
