and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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