I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
