saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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