I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
