I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
