her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
