Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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