The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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