Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
