ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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