did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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