My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
