does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
