I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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