he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
