Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
