I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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