i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
