I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
