hotel room ftw
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
