you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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